"The phenomenal but cryptic account of a highly erotic 2007 summer afternoon orgy by S.S. Umare. " ~ fakebookreview.com

http://bit.ly/caRfUG

Next thing we know is that he has a 'Dean Students Counseling' floating somewhere under his name. If every guy in VNIT tried that, the non-existent-non-fiction shelf would require the wholeness of the unused Old Library not forgetting to mention that this could also ensure a 100% placement record for those who aren't really nailing any chicks.

Dr S.S Umare , the dyslexic ignoramus that he is ( and is proud to be ..because these words would kill at scrabble ) has the cohones to play a little game called " Let's make all the cultural festivals one!! " and immediately filed for a patent on " Janmesh Utsav ".

A large hairy mammoth once came to me in the form of (it would've been better if it ever could be) an open forum, and told me that one of our own girls from the hostel raised the issue of the terrible state in which the GH gym was then, when S .S "Indie" Umare with his million dollar

"Dear Penthouse , ..." smile promptly replied, "Arre tum log toh mouse ke balls nikal ke chale jaatey ho ...(and some unintelligible gibberish which I do not remember...)"

Yes, this man somehow thought she was talkin about the Computer Center until some guy who felt bad for him reminded him of the “gym” issue. Now this was something that really, really made me seriously reconsider all those students' jokes on Umare's sanit(ar)y issues. I thereby concluded he was a retard.

Now whats a retarded, summer-wanker, festival-clubber doing in (the great S.S Gokhale said and I quote ) " ...an institute of national importance !.."?

He's being the Director's loyal wife.

Some Serious Counseling

A new year has begun and so has a new semester and the bungling just doesn’t stop, does it? I admit that I am late to rise from hibernation and so have let slip the opportunity to comment timely on a few really vexing issues. I owe an apology to my faithful readers and those who love to lambast me. I actually considered shutting down this whole shebang mainly because I felt there was no impact, but encouragement from allies has drawn me forth:

The Vandal writes again!!!

Although a lot has happened this past month and half, I must say the one thing worming my mind the most is the colossal error that marred the end of another action packed CG (or is it IG? Indecent Gathering??).

To have to announce a whole new set of final standings due to critical mistakes – unofficially and in the absence of a formal apology to the students – really displays in my view a lack of owning up to the responsibility placed upon the Students Council as a whole. Not only that but to pass the buck on to the judges and a tight schedule at the end just does not cut it; it is up to the organisers to recheck all results and ensure their exactness and as for a tight schedule: it just shows a lack of organising ability. Shit happens every now and then, but if it does, you need to have the guts to say that it did and that you tried your best but failed to do deal with it. Admitting one’s own faults really demonstrates integrity and courage – although it might not seem like the best thing to do.

On the whole the event was as good as it could have been. To those who complain of events starting late and rescheduling etc. I’d just like to ask them to try managing a couple of hundred students at a time – a bunch who can’t stick to daily schedules and who think it’s either their way or the highway.

Still, there were certain gaffes which come to mind more prominently:

• The absence of required infrastructure and council members at events like the quiz
• The absence of certain members of the Council at the final valedictory function
• There should have been more delegation than what seemed like micro-management
• The issue of the video submission should have been considered more seriously – since I’m not from the winning department some may say I’m being a sore loser – but after watching all the submitted entries I don’t think that the winning entry was as far above the others as it was made out to be; it is my belief that a sufficient penalty for late submission (since an ultimatum was issued) might have resulted in a different winner and not necessarily a promotion of the runner-up.

Hopefully such errors won’t occur next year and it’s never too late for a corrigendum; Council?

This issue was going to be covered by the EO but a certain villain gags and ties that fair maiden to the train tracks time and again. What use is a democratic process if you can’t criticize the representatives? That’s what keeps future elected leaders on their toes. No system is perfect, but errors can be minimised. Just speaking about positives won’t help; you have to take the rose and the thorns, or the bull and its horns.

More of your favourite nonsensical ramblings to come soon – so keep those lovely “Eye’s Only” on the lookout.

Oh and lest I forget:

A belated Happy ‘Vandal’tines day to you all...

A Reco for VNIT

Well I’m back with another of my highly intellectual and insightful discourses on the situation at our beloved university. This time a bumper issue for your delectation, matching the one EO’s going to release (when God, when?) and probably with more meaningful matter.

No seriously this time I’m writing a more responsible one which fulfils the demand from many to elucidate on what should be done rather than just comment on what actually goes on.

Any institution aspiring to be considered world class needs to move with the times, something, I think you will agree, that is absent here. VNIT is stuck in a rut, a deep, deep rut.

We need to move forward and sometimes to do so requires a change of direction but this institution changes track with a turning radius and inertia rivalling Jupiter’s. Admittedly change shouldn’t be mercurial but action needs to be taken before its relevance is lost.

The academic situation is abysmal. Don’t gasp my dear friends you are hardly being taxed here, or for that matter in any Indian institution that’s not an IIT, BITS or a top rated NIT like Trichy. The style of teaching is an extension of your science junior college – basic spoon feeding. The teachers hardly have their head around the subject themselves, at least the newly appointed ones, and the older ones have all but lost their zest to teach (if it ever existed) or don’t know how to. How many of us have truly experienced a proper lecture, rather than a drone on what is probably a century or two old and has no relevance in the practical world today? We need to learn the past techniques to master the new, but do we learn the real stuff?

These are some of the changes I would like to suggest to the academic structure at VNIT-

1. First and foremost a reshuffle of subjects is direly required in the first year-

• The topics under the Physics and Chemistry courses could easily be shortened to a single semester retaining only the relevant chapters and content.
• Two courses in Economics i.e. macro and micro need to be included just like at foreign universities. After all, we are going to become engineers and cost is an important factor in any engineering field, plus students who will work in the industry need a sound grounding in the working of the financial world.
• Programming languages like C and C++, etc. ought to be taught at this stage – not to help our placement chances but rather to enhance our problem solving skills: no field can currently cope without relevant software or for that matter the ability to generate a computer program to solve problems. This brings me to the next point
• MATLAB should be taught compulsorily as there is no better, powerful or more universal software for mathematical analysis that is required in any engineering field.
• While I believe that the only way to truly understand drawing is by doing it on paper, drafting software such as AutoCAD should be introduced somewhere in the 2 semesters this course takes as it makes the work quicker, efficient, easier to check and saves paper.

All the software required can be loaded onto a centralized server system and accessible to all computer labs in all departments by obtaining a college wide license.

• Out of the 2 courses for economics one may be conducted in the second semester since the programming course in the 3^rd semester for almost all branches has been promoted to the first year.
• Finally the subject list looks like this:

a) 1^st semester

· Math

· Physics

· Programming

· Electrical Technology

· Engineering Drawing

b) 2^nd semester

· Math

· Economics I

· Chemistry

· Engineering Mechanics

· Engineering Drawing

1. Subjects need to be taught by professors not Ad-hoc staff (for want of a better name) e.g. Programming by someone from the Computer Science Dept, Economics by someone who actually has studied the subject and possesses knowledge of its implementation in the real world; rather the Ad-hoc staff can act as teaching assistants conducting tutorial classes while profs. conduct pure lectures
2. Math needs to be taught with an engineering perspective respective to the dept. rather than as a pure subject; just telling us that Navier- Stokes equation looks like this and solving one problem on the LR circuit doesn’t round off a chapter on differential equations. I’ve learn math from a hero Prof in a way that seems to make the math dept. profs look like jokers barring a couple who do know their stuff rather than copying it wrong onto the board from B. S. Grewal.
3. To encourage students to study, they ought to be asked to come prepared for lectures by reading books by world renowned authors, which are recommended by all depts. but are somehow invisible in the library (need to get my eyes checked). This leaves the Profs with more time to lecture than trying to explain everything form the word go.
4. Engineers are required to work with people and hence elective courses with low credits from a vibrant and diverse Humanities, Arts and Languages dept. could be offered.
5. Complementary software must be actively taught alongside subjects e.g. SPICE, ANSYS, Labview, AutoCAD, etc. (This is the only front along which progress has been made although there are depts. where the licenses have either expired, the labs are shut to UG students e.g. CAD/CAM dept. or there aren’t teachers or learning resources for the software)
6. The profs really ought to take a crash course in learning how to teach and making their subject interesting because unless you generate excitement for what’s being taught in a class, ain’t nothing getting in our noggins (sealed tighter than those Scorpenes India still doesn’t have).
7. Continuing from above, teaching aids need to be encouraged and videos, slideshows and live demos can be conducted – provided projectors and other hardware are available.
8. In the future the college could work out a plan to obtain subsidized or second-hand (but sufficient) laptops for students from retailers seeing as how almost 80% of students have a PC by the final year. These could then be used as an effective learning tool in the class directly rather than for the quite illicit purposes we currently do.
9. Industrial training could be made mandatory, for which the college could enlist small setups that provide meaningful training rather than large companies that just want students to take a look and are happy to have them put of the way as soon as possible
10. A series of guest lectures, one per week on weekends, by acclaimed industrial and engineering personalities as well as Professors from other reputed institutes on practical topics ought to be organized by the students (something that, I doubt, will happen soon – we’re too lazy a lot aren’t we).

This is all that I could think of, for now. If you have anything to add I’d welcome it whole heartedly.

While I know the suggestions above seem like they’ll eat into your time here I don’t think that that would happen, after all in foreign universities the students do all this and more and still have time to party, get laid, get paid, etc etc.

These changes need not take place immediately but I think they can be easily achieved in one Jupiter year (approx. 11.88 earth years).

A copy of this article shall be sent to the Director but I am not sure what effect it will cause. One shall also be sent to the Secretary of Academic Affairs of the Students Council.

A parting jab at my most favourite people at the EO –

Q. What do you call a men’s magazine issued alongside Eyes Only?

A. Guys Lonely

Till next time my faithful readers

Yours Defamingly

The Vnit Vandal

Boy Blunder and the Ogler

The Vandal is proud to announce an accomplice in his heinous ways. Boy Blunder is capable and a worthy young cadet (although older than me) to aid in my ever acidic escapades. He has proved his mettle quite exceptionally, excavating proof of “Big Daddy’s” (aka YbK along lines of Y2K) villainous whisker-hidden visage.

Apparently during a momentary memory lapse the evil doctor has revealed the inner workings of his voyeuristic designs to a member of the student body. Read below to find this example of spoken excrement which I’m sure will horrify you but frankly I’m not that surprised. While such a remark is way out of league and line and is shocking to hear from a ‘respected’ faculty member, it sadly proves a claim long supported circumstantially and only recently corroborated by indisputable audio evidence – that some Profs just ain’t getting some and feel the need to compensate in class and cultural events.

To respect the fair maiden about whom such slander was spoken I shall not reveal her identity here. Well here it is:

“Jo hilana chahiyye tha woh chhod ke sab kuch hil raha tha”

Despicable, uncouth and oh, so disgusting.

Finally – I unearthed a fossilised copy of “Lice Only”, it’s been that long.

We’ll be back with another SPLAT!! BANG!! BIFF!! article soon - at least earlier than the resurrection of “Ice Bonely” from perma-freeze. Such a ‘punny’ name!!

Till then - Same rat-time!! Same rat-channel!! Tana nanna nanna nanna nanna nanna nanna nanna Vandal.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAoaky3e__E

Clarified (like Ghee)

The Vandal minus the scandal this time; it seems the word wizards and essay enchantresses at Eye’s Lonely have misunderstood the intent of this solitary “War on Error”. What’s a launch without a blast and some fireworks to boot? While I admit nitpicking on a typo was extremely immature and idiotic you still haven’t told me whose sword you’re against? Anyway this isn’t a proclamation for war, rather a call for parsley…sorry parley.

My first article was against the hypocrisy of most of our enlightened stalWarts, the second was against censorship in an environment that should protect and encourage free speech (not like the ones at various cultural events by Experts-in-charge). I’d appreciate a newsletter that had the power to bring what’s wrong in this institution to light and require that those responsible be held accountable, rather than gloss and lacquer it all up. I’m with you not against you; you’ve started something that hopefully will resemble The Crimson someday, not the Daily Mirror. The next move is yours.

While I’m at it here’s something else that needs clarification:

• I haven’t seen V for Vendetta just the trailer, plus were I a fan of said talkie this would be called the Vigilante not the Vandal
• Everyone except Rummy hates Bush; iRan and China need to loosen up their corsets
• I’m not sure everyone finds beer and playboy repulsive, but they shouldn’t be distributed in the college
• A pub on campus may in fact reduce the chances of mishaps and bar fights outside the institute – though our campus is too small to house one in a remote corner
• Although I do feel divine is not adequately represented here there are works of art

I believe in duality – Yin and Yang stuff; you’re the crouching tiger waiting for the “opportune moment” while I’m trying to remain a hidden dragon.

To my adoring fans – I’m still here just a little lazy; and to the bootilicious babes in the GH (not guest house, silly) I’m sorry but I haven’t found my version of V’s Evey so I cant send you your helping of irrational graffiti.

A last minute line for my friends at Eyes Wide Shut – “Here’s looking at you kid.”

Censory Perception

The point of speaking out without sanction from aforementioned stalWarts is simple. Our college operates just like the government agencies in China, Iran, etc. that control or restrict information – if no one speaks about it people won’t think it exists and hence everything will seem fine and dandy. I’m quite certain their proxy servers are sourced from the same fine nations quoted above.

Well it isn’t; you know it, I know it and they know it – and I felt it was time to do something at the very least. A leading (non)periodical distributed in the campus claims to be looking for people ready to “Speak fearlessly, be part of the renaissance and ‘proove’ that the pen is mightier than the sword”. Who’s sword? And it’s prove not proove. Well if you are planning to apply for a post at this haven of ochre journalism I hope you know you’ll have to toe the line. Why? Cause the big daddy (an expert very visible at said bjjngr pan-wallah) on top of it all is quite capable of replacing Sharmila Tagore as censor board chief – write about our shitty admissions process or abysmal placement scenario (I was amazed at the way EO turned that around they should apply to become Bush’s spin-doctors) and your bound to get either fired or the whole operation shut down.

So I can’t really blame the word wizards at The Red Herring publication – it’s the system again. Would it improve if we paid a couple of rupees for a copy and took it out of the institutes finance? Maybe, but it would sadly, have to become anonymous and you already have me for that - don’t you?

These articles are here for you to think and hopefully, to bring you to act and make this institution better than it is. Feedback is appreciated and hence the address below. Vandalising the postings and adding comments, more so.

Vapours and Fumes

You know what ticks me off – the fact that although we’re the legal age to vote our hypocrite prof’s still feel the need to tell us what we can and can do with our lives. I write this with a hostel resident point of view.

If they catch us smoking, drinking, etc. they have no qualms in ‘taking action against such despicable acts’. But I ask you to keep a close watch on the counter of a particular pan-wallah right outside bjjngr gate – I have personally seen quite a few of these sentinels savoring the same fumes they seek to extinguish within our lovely (sic) campus.

Another bunch of these same stalWarts can be seen vnit’s true hangout – PP’s garage pub (“Eye’s Only” get your facts right, a few people posing with ice creams doesn’t change the truth) – as testified by erstwhile students of ECE.

So whether it’s boozing or closing computer rooms for porn while ogling examples of divine beauty in class (I may be exaggerating the divine part), our experts just can’t seem to face the facts – the more you ban something the more we’re driven to get a way around it – Orkut’s a fine example.

That’s not to say that all our teachers are fakes, even coal mines yield diamonds sometimes. Students aren’t much better either – in fact we’re worse in some ways…..